Aftermath

I wasn’t expecting this …
Not at all

I thought, here we go, back into a normal life
Thought it would be easy
Back with my loved ones, back with people who care about me
But its not like that is it …

I am afraid, I live in fear of the Custodian, whatever I do, wherever I go, I fear the constant punishments that it would give out.
I know I’m not being punished, no matter what I do … I have served my time, I am free …. aren’t I ?

I can’t go on like this … well, I can, but it is not fair on those who care for me.
I know what I need, I know what I want … but for all those people who I love and who love me, I cannot do it.

I was asked by someone I consider very wise, if I realise how precious being free is ?
well, yes & no … it’s shown me who my true friends are, it’s shown me how much some people truly do care for me and that in turn has given me a position with a new Mistress and a girl who inexplicably loves me and has become my submissive.
yet, here is the contradiction to my opening lines, I yearn for the contol of the Custodian.

What is wrong with me, that I fear, yet crave the attentions of this emotionless entity known as the Custodian
Why can’t I control this, Why am I so conflicted, Why Why Why Why ……

I need help …. please …. someone

Freedom

that first night at home was tough

I didn’t want to be there, not really (I’m sorry Chap, it’s not you).

I didn’t know what to do with myself, I had my girl with me, but I just didn’t know what was normal.

I was overwhelmed by the whole thing, I didn’t even know how to feel

I am getting back into the swing of life now, but it is still very hard. Thankfully I have wonderful support from my girls and from Miss Sugarme, but also from the Banishment Program staff, especially my Operator Moss Hastings, but also Green Geary & WinthorpeFoghorn Zinneman.

I am determined not to return to banishment [section edited to remove nonsensical ramblings] and to become a good citizen. Although Operator Geary seemed intent on suggesting that I will be banished again sometime soon.

I do hope that everyone will be patient with me as I am struggling with my emotions right now, I did serve more than twice the maximum sentence ! 🙂

Update 20 (Final?)

well … look who got this far

[15:13] Custodian whispers: Time over, Em is given the keys to her Custodian back (detached 0 times)

i’m free …

Update 19

well, not what i wanted with less than 1 hour to go but what can you do

[11:21] Custodian: : Weekly update received from central monitoring network. :
[11:22] Custodian whispers: +3 h, total : 3:50:30
[11:22] Custodian: : Violations totaled and demerits assigned. For this week’s violations, your sentence has been extended by 3 hours. Try harder, E-8297. :

Update 18

AKA amyanne yifu’s update
I am not going to be able to forgive the bitch for this

[1:52] Custodian: : Weekly update received from central monitoring network. :
[1:52] Custodian whispers: +3 h, total : 12:35:0
[1:52] Custodian whispers: +3 h, total : 15:35:0
[1:52] Custodian whispers: +30 mn, total : 16:5:0
[1:52] Custodian whispers: +30 mn, total : 16:35:0
[1:52] Custodian: : Violations totaled and demerits assigned. For this week’s violations, your sentence has been extended by 7 hours. Try harder, E-8297. :

yes, I should have been more careful, but who woud have thought another bane would do something like this to another.

as my wonderful girl said to me, i can’t change it now, so no need to fret over it
I’m not happy about it, but I guess I’ll just have to do my best to get over it
sadly this looks like it means another 2 days in this suit, at least

AmyAnne Yifu

AmyAnne Yifu is a piece of trash
a goddamn fucking bane that should know better
i can use only one word to descrbe this .. this …thing
a griefer

the worst kind

twice in one day this …. thing.. caused me to gain some 6-10 violations

thanks to her i am torn between rage and sadness
i could have been at the end of my sentence by the end of tomorrow, now thanks to her thats maybe another day or 2 to go

I AM NOT FUCKING HAPPY

update 17

DAMMIT

so close, feeling good, being good and this hurts ….

[9:00] Custodian: : Weekly update received from central monitoring network. :
[9:00] Custodian whispers: +30 mn, total : 17:0:10
[9:00] Custodian whispers: +30 mn, total : 17:30:10
[9:00] Custodian whispers: +30 mn, total : 18:0:10
[9:00] Custodian whispers: +30 mn, total : 18:30:10
[9:01] Custodian: : Violations totaled and demerits assigned. For this week’s violations, your sentence has been extended by 2 hours. Try harder, E-8297. :

i think she wants me

yep, I’m almost convinced now

she’s showing up more and more where I am, talking to me or about me
I can’t blame her, who wouldn’t want a gorgeous androgenous-looking bane like me

[0:28] Custodian: WinthorpeFoghorn Zinnemann notices the weird blogging bane and runs away

Running away, it’s a sure sign

*giggles maniacally*

Update 16

I am sorry everyone 😦

[13:40] Custodian: : Weekly update received from central monitoring network. :
[13:40] Custodian whispers: +3 h, total : 19:22:0
[13:40] Custodian whispers: +3 h, total : 22:22:0
[13:40] Custodian whispers: +3 h, total : 25:22:0
[13:40] Custodian whispers: +30 mn, total : 25:52:0
[13:40] Custodian whispers: +30 mn, total : 26:22:0
[13:41] Custodian: : Violations totaled and demerits assigned. For this week’s violations, your sentence has been extended by 10 hours. Try harder, E-8297. :

Update 15

I wonder if I’m done punishing myself
I know I deserve so much more punishment, but can I really punish myself more

anyway

[23:15] Custodian: : Weekly update received from central monitoring network. :
[23:15] Custodian whispers: +30 mn, total : 24:48:40
[23:15] Custodian whispers: +30 mn, total : 25:18:40
[23:15] Custodian whispers: +30 mn, total : 25:48:40
[23:15] Custodian whispers: +30 mn, total : 26:18:40
[23:15] Custodian: : Violations totaled and demerits assigned. For this week’s violations, your sentence has been extended by 2 hours. Try harder, E-8297. :